An old friend

Ever since ive started this stake its been for the most part pretty variance free. I had a downswing when i played like a horses ass but havent been coolered etc. I have been keeping my sessions short and just booking win after win really. But the more i win, the more volume ive been putting in....the more volume you put in, the more swings you are going to experience. Its just the standard deviation of the game. Well today, variance caught up with me. It looked something like this:

It doesnt take much imagination to figure out who represents me in this picture. I did get a bit of a reach around though as i had this one fish at one table just keep paying me off and paying me off and going out of his way to play pots vs me so it kind of cushioned the blow of AA < 10 10  in a 3bet pot, and KK into AA 3x within 500 hands. I pretty much broke even over the rest of my hands and am down an insta 4 buy ins.

And like that, even after beating 25nl for 4BB/100 over 35k'ish hands and murdering 50nl the last 2 weeks or so over about 10k hands, im doubting myself. And this is an example of the ever present fragile psyche of a poker player. Given my current situation i dont really know which way to go with this. Im still up proly 11 or 12 buy ins profit and another $100 bonus over the last two weeks at 50nl. But im not sure if playing on staked money and having to cash out/reset at the end of this month if i really want to go through these psychologically damaging swings.

This is where HEM can be so valuable a tool, it can just kinda reassure me that im not spewing, that it was just a variance, that my winrate was insane and is coming back down to earth. But after that dirty asian whore of a hacker put that virus on my laptop im still waiting for the reboot disc in the mail. So maybe ill move back down until HEM is up and running and doing its full time job of stroking my poker ego and calming my nerves.  Or maybe ill wake up refreshed tomorrow and ready to get back in the ring. But I guess for now ill just settle for this vent

and to thank you for listening