Yeeehawww

So ive changed my mind....again. I was up a bit on the stake and i came to a harsh realization. A realization that has been the tone of this blog for some time now. I am not in love with poker anymore. More specifically i am not in love with the grind of poker anymore. For the last 3ish years i have loved the grind. Dont get me wrong, i have hated the grind! ........

Ok ok let me explain. I love the belonging of poker. For as big as it is, the poker community is pretty tight knit. I have always said that i would trust a random poker player more than i would trust a random person. I post on a private forum and enjoy the camaraderie. While it is poker that united us on that forum, it is friendship that holds it together. There are groups or cliques on the forum obviously. When i was starting out i was in the "young full of fire" group. We yearned for poker related knowledge and discussion and made fun of those who posted more socially than about strategy. A few of us ventured off and pursued poker full time, and that formed a group within  a group. We didnt take the posting as serious, enjoyed both the strat and social aspect of the forum. The bond included "complaining" about the swings. "OMG bro, you have no idea how bad i am running" etc etc. Now at this crossroads i had attempted to hold my (and lets not kid myself here) position with the serious grinders clique. I tried to hang on and "fit in", but my life has changed. I now am focused on different things.

As ive said many times before, i did not make it big in poker. For whatever reason, lack of luck or skill, it did not work out the way i envisioned 3 years ago. And now at this new stage in my life, i have very little time to continue to pursue that "dream" of mine. It was a tough realization to come to, but that serious chase for money via poker is over for me. Sure i will always play. And after a brief hiatus from the forum, i may even post and hang out with those guys irl again. But for now i just cant dedicate that much time to them/poker when i have all this new stuff i need to get situated in my own life.....This blog is not over though. I really really enjoy writing these things. Even if nobody reads them, i enjoy getting my thoughts down and rereading them sometimes. Hell, i may start a new blog titled "ahhhhhsht i haz baby" who knows.

I have no real plan, or goals for poker for the first time in a long long time. The rough outline of my plan for poker is to get 500 or so online proly on ultimate bet and play some mtts on my days/nights off that will be few and far between. This is what i did when i first started out on bodog, and this was when i was the most happy with poker. The extra money helped out, i love the competition of mtts, UB is a smaller site with smaller fields, and they have a leaderboard i might get to make a run at once in awhile. I was going to put money back on bodog but boy has that site went to shit. No breaks, shittier mtt schedule, and they got rid of their leaderboard.....absolutely ridiculous.

Anyway, ill keep you guys posted, and keep this blog alive, whether it be an update when i put in a live session or ship an mtt or whatever. But for awhile, this will be a ghost town

Gl to yall

Ahhhhhhsht

swings and swongs

More of the same old song. I am not playing as much volume so the downswings are sticking with me longer. So far ive played like 200ish games and am breakeven over that span. Boo hoo sample size and plugging leaks.

Its funny that in the same breath i can be so prideful and yet so doubtful of my poker ability. Barone, the leading back in this stake, and THE BEST 9man sng player at the 27s and below, asked me to post some hh's. My first reaction was "WTF! Doubt me? I have and will crushed" but then within 5 seconds i thought "well ok, my weakest aspect of my poker knowledge is ICM. That just happens to be Barone's strongest, so he obv can help me. And i do have and always have had a bit more of a mtt approach to my shove/call ranges, so he can obv help with that....as can a few others on my poker forum" And i went and posted some of the spots that ive been dismissing as standard.

I feel pretty good at being break even considering i havent ran good/great yet but i probably should be up a little bit if i was playing more optimal. So once again im swallowing my pride and trying to have an open mind in search of a higher roi and some profits.

Im firing up a session right now but wanted to update this real quick.

Heres to closing the month on a good heater

Ahhhhhsht

working out the kinks

Well the stake is off and running. I did not play as many games as i hoped for a couple of reasons. One would be i started out 12 tabling like i used to and just had a few spots that i was messing up in and wanted to cutback to 9 tables. Another would be i just didnt get unlazy and start putting in the time. So those two combined = i didnt get as much volume in and therefore didnt make as much money. 

The week is finishing strong though. I was at exactly even after like 140 games or so, after being down 30ish buy ins at one point. Then yesterday i made 10 buy ins or so bringing my roi up to around 5% for the stake. I was at 8% over a decent sample when i was playing these and aim to get around 10-12% starting in 2011. I unlocked a stellar rewards bonus for another 8 buy ins. So in total so far the stake is up about 16 or 17 buy ins. Not great, but given the layoff and rough start, ill take it.

I will probably start 12 tabling again as i think my leaks are plugged up for now. Though my hopes for jumping out of the gate at platinum star status were derailed, i should make gold star no problem and then aim for platinum next month and on. I really doubt supernova is achievable for 2011 tbh, but if i am close this time next year i might just go for it. 

So to look really far ahead my goals for next year are:

1) not to have a losing month

2) 1500 profit/month on average not including bonuses

3) make supernova

4)make a strong run at the sharkscope leaderboard for any game 4-6 tables $5 - $15 board

5)do all this while working full time with my wife and as of may 2011 baby

All of these are doable if i take this seriously. And i do take this seriously. For years now i have made good/great money at mtts. Made deep runs in wsop events, the sunday millions, beat bodog mtts, beat ftp mtts, beat stars mtts, and i have always gone back to trying to convince myself i could do the same at cash. I had spurts where i murdered cash but the swings of cash bother me more than the swings of mtts for some reason. So now im accepting it. A bit late perhaps as i now have to be staked and split my profits. But better late than never and hopefully this way i can make my friends and myself some good money.

GL to us all

ahhhhhsht

Steak YUM

So got in about ohhhhhhhhhhh 120 games or so this weekend. And given the fact that i moved into our apartment, got all that shit straightened out, and cut back to 9 tables until i feel comfortable im pretty happy with the volume. With the results im really meh.

I lost about 15 dollars. So insignificant, and had a lot of variance. Some of it rusty spots where i messed up, some of it run bad, and some of it standard swings. It was good to get back into the swing of things. Wife was really good about everything. I feel like i had a nice balanced weekend and if it wasnt for the rust would have made a minimal amount of profit, without having that 45man sng rush where i top 3 like 4/12 in a set type of run. 

In 70 games ill release $100 bonus and i think ill hit the 70k, with a shot at the 80k $100 releases. I also plan on buying the plat star 650 bonus if i qualify every 50k fpps, and i should qualify....if not i guess the next highest available. 

I played one mtt and meh, it didnt feel like the right thing to do until i have profit booked and feel great about my play.

So yeah uneventful weekend, and now off to the bill paying job for the week. I will still try to get about 25 games/work night but we will see if i do more or less.

ok peace out A town down

ahhhhhsht

It's moving day!!!!

So today is the day, finally moving out of the rural wack ass place we are at, and in to a real town, with real people, where there is a grocery store less than 20miles away.....and the best part REAL INTERNET SPEED!!!!

That is right, we are moving (lindy and i ldo) are moving to our apartment today and are very excited. I dont have much to move so my dad is helping move the few things i need help with but i imagine if i hired movers theyd look something like this

 

KMF ainec imo

So yeah, in less than 8 hours i will be moved in and have my internet up. I might even walk over to the liquor store and get a 6 pack to celebrate. Pregnant wife = i havent had a drink since august. I got all the monies received to start my stake and will most likely put in a set tonight. If not then tomorrow for sure. 

I dont know if i blogged this yet so im going to and if you already read it weeeeeee welcome to my blog. It is funny that i am so nervous to start playing again. I have a million fears flying thru my head about it. Are the 45mans still beatable? Am i still good enough? Are there things i have forgotten and may take me awhile to get back? etc

So i guess we will see. And i will def keep you posted

ahhhhhsht