Yeeehawww

So ive changed my mind....again. I was up a bit on the stake and i came to a harsh realization. A realization that has been the tone of this blog for some time now. I am not in love with poker anymore. More specifically i am not in love with the grind of poker anymore. For the last 3ish years i have loved the grind. Dont get me wrong, i have hated the grind! ........

Ok ok let me explain. I love the belonging of poker. For as big as it is, the poker community is pretty tight knit. I have always said that i would trust a random poker player more than i would trust a random person. I post on a private forum and enjoy the camaraderie. While it is poker that united us on that forum, it is friendship that holds it together. There are groups or cliques on the forum obviously. When i was starting out i was in the "young full of fire" group. We yearned for poker related knowledge and discussion and made fun of those who posted more socially than about strategy. A few of us ventured off and pursued poker full time, and that formed a group within  a group. We didnt take the posting as serious, enjoyed both the strat and social aspect of the forum. The bond included "complaining" about the swings. "OMG bro, you have no idea how bad i am running" etc etc. Now at this crossroads i had attempted to hold my (and lets not kid myself here) position with the serious grinders clique. I tried to hang on and "fit in", but my life has changed. I now am focused on different things.

As ive said many times before, i did not make it big in poker. For whatever reason, lack of luck or skill, it did not work out the way i envisioned 3 years ago. And now at this new stage in my life, i have very little time to continue to pursue that "dream" of mine. It was a tough realization to come to, but that serious chase for money via poker is over for me. Sure i will always play. And after a brief hiatus from the forum, i may even post and hang out with those guys irl again. But for now i just cant dedicate that much time to them/poker when i have all this new stuff i need to get situated in my own life.....This blog is not over though. I really really enjoy writing these things. Even if nobody reads them, i enjoy getting my thoughts down and rereading them sometimes. Hell, i may start a new blog titled "ahhhhhsht i haz baby" who knows.

I have no real plan, or goals for poker for the first time in a long long time. The rough outline of my plan for poker is to get 500 or so online proly on ultimate bet and play some mtts on my days/nights off that will be few and far between. This is what i did when i first started out on bodog, and this was when i was the most happy with poker. The extra money helped out, i love the competition of mtts, UB is a smaller site with smaller fields, and they have a leaderboard i might get to make a run at once in awhile. I was going to put money back on bodog but boy has that site went to shit. No breaks, shittier mtt schedule, and they got rid of their leaderboard.....absolutely ridiculous.

Anyway, ill keep you guys posted, and keep this blog alive, whether it be an update when i put in a live session or ship an mtt or whatever. But for awhile, this will be a ghost town

Gl to yall

Ahhhhhhsht